Today has been one of those days, where everything in my spirit has just gone wrong. My emotional wheel has been challenged to the max. I have been riding the roller coaster of just plain shite.
It started feeling out of my comfort zone and well I slept in my car, because of said feelings. I had to go into a bubble and my car was my bubble of safe zone. It was my happy place for the moment. It was the only spot I could for that moment to calm me down and center myself. Where I could go into a meditation and the world could stop. I suffer from high anxiety and last night was one of those nights. So I retreated. Was it the most healthy place to find happiness? No, actually it was very uncomfortable and I slept like shit. Oh warning, foul language will be in this post.
So out of my morning my darling soul daughter arrived. She knew I had an awful night so was being extra awesome as a kid. Then mail came. Actually it was Sat mail. I don't know no one got it. Oddly I had the urge and had called about the issue on Friday, what I actually got in the mail. BAM! As you may know I have been trying to get my SSI. I was denied. So now I have to go thru the process of appeal. This crushed my day further.
My husband and I are barely surviving. Husband is working a job that pays barely above min wage and if he gets hours since he part time. This is his temporary job while he looks for the higher pay job in his actual line of work. This job is not covering our rent, our bills...we have had earth angels the past 2 months pay our rent. This is the only reason we are not on the street. My doctors are the ones who suggested that I make that choice of taking off my super woman cape and stop working. And as a lightworker this is not a full time job. Work is not steady. I don't work in a shop, never have. I work whatever the universe gives to me. HELLO, just a few years ago I started to charge- cause far to many people took advantage of me.
Am I pissed? Of course. Am I trying to find the happiness of course I am. Actually as I am writing this I am listening to a mix I made for someone. I am trying to remind myself of the good I am. The worth I am. I am having a shitty day. I am not giving up. I am overwhelmed by what I have to do next. I have memory issues so going to let a third party handle this. I have to find my own happiness out of this or it will consume me more than it already is and has. The money stresses and my unemployment and just family status is the number one stress that consumes me. But I have to keep finding my light every mother fucking day.
Yes, Lightworkers have bad days too. We have have to practice what we preach. Some days it is very, very hard too. I am thankful I am a positive person, cause I know if I was the person I was 20 years ago I would of offed my head already.
The point I am making it is okay to have bad days. We are human. I have them. I know I can't give up. As much as times I really want to. I know I can't. I have to find that glimmer of happiness. The universe gives us what we can handle. We may feel that we can't- trust me I don't feel that I can handle all this shite right now, but somehow I am mange. I am lucky I have my support system here. I could not do it with out my soul sister. Who herself understands exactly every moment herself. Buddy system keeping each other afloat emotionally. KJT LOVE YOU.
Every day in every way things get better and better....
confessions of a starseed
Wisdom to be passed to the human race...