I want to make a video badly this week, this month has been covered in doctor appointments. I suffer from several issues and have a form of channelopathy that either it is causing some brain issues or could have been my exposure to carbon monoxide in March this year, along with my ongoing current medical issues. Don't know since I have yet to have an MRI, and insurance denied me when the doctors ordered one for my spine, so long story short. My mouth and brain are not engaging very well. I know sometimes in my videos I don't speak very clear and this is the reason why. Or I may repeat something or mispronunciation happens. I swear to you, I am a very smart person, but my brain to speech does not engage as well as it use too. So in some videos I may sound funny on my words. It's my thing. I try to point out if I am having an off day in the videos so you all know. I swear I have spoken in front of hundreds of people before! And very comfortable in front of cameras ( trust me on that one ) I just may have off days. What sucks more is when the universe is giving me a message I really want to get out.
When universe gives me messages everything comes in like puzzle pieces I have to place together. Then it all lines up and then I have to voice what I see. That's the hard part, especially if I am having a bad day when I know an orange is an orange, but my brain can't call it an orange. And spirit just some days completely takes over and everything just flows perfect to get the message. When recording I record raw. I have the subject matter of what I want to speak about and maybe a quote for inspiration (if that) and then I just let the universe do its thing. So what you guys get on you tube is not really planned. Authentic. So here is the question I leave you. Are you ok with my stutter over my words time to time? Are you fine with me calling something a doohickey if I have too? The reason I ask is because I have been letting fear of rejection holding me back. I am worried that my viewers will not get the message due to my lack of speaking my words. How does this make me a good teacher if I can't get my points across? How can the students learn if they don't understand the teacher?
I still plan on making the video because I refuse to let fear rule me. Fear is just part of my failure ego. Ego is what we all have to learn to let go of. Besides I don't quit. All my life I have pushed thru any obstacle that has been thrown my way. Ganesh has been truly on my side. That is the funny part of life. I call that part my super hero cape, we all have a little super hero inside ourselves. We all for a moment can place our cape on, and become our own super hero. I mean that is why you have stumbled upon me. Somewhere in the universe divine blessings, the universe wanted to remind you today, here is Hamsa Sandra struggling to find her own words. Asking you the reader questions, yet she pushes thru- what am I pushing thru in my own life right now. What do I need to place my own super hero cape on? Am I neglecting myself? See? Everything has a purpose.
So while I try to speak my words, I ask of you to do this.....stand....remember the classic super man pose? Do it for 10 secs. As I sit here and write that I remember back my last day at work, I was having attacks left and right. Huge function, we had a former NFL Superbowl player coming to speak to the kids, I had to set up the equipment. I had one of my teens helping me thankfully because at the time my brain was not thinking left from right. I was having a moment and I was stressed out and I could tell he was, and I told him. Stop. Superman Pose. And we did it. I told him, no matter how crazy the day got to remember we are superheros for the day. We are rockstars and we matter. We got this and we will rock it out. And we did. I even remember a few times, he would shoot me the superman pose during the event. I knew he got the message. He knew he had the power. So claim your power.
In a day, when you don't come across any problems - you can be sure that you are travelling in a wrong path- Swami Vivekananda
confessions of a starseed
Wisdom to be passed to the human race...