Remembering

I spent the last week in NYC for fashion week. During one of the days my friends and I decided to go to ground zero. Before even getting to the in the subway it was an immediate feeling. Not to go into details of the visions I had, but the feelings was fear regret etc it made me feel sick.
We tried to get in with only realizing we had to back tract to get tickets. The ticket office is right across the street from what they call the little chapel that stood. I call it the calm. It was so full of warm beautiful calm light. I felt so at peace.

I truly feel that chapel is the place of crossing souls. You could just feel it. I left the area in full calmness despite that we did not get tickets. The timing was not working. I was totally okay cause I felt that I came to see what I was in need to see. Life is forever in transition.

Fast forward to September 10. As we was leaving NYC our shuttle service decided to make a pass thru to that area. I was just ignoring the feelings and basically decided to be in sight see mood. However the area decided to remind me and got an instant migraine. It was hey pay attention here. Remember.

All the deep feelings from the first day came flooding back including one very strong voice. It did not want to be ignored. September 11. I was having such an off day. I was cranky, feels of dread, fear and more came into play. It was also a day where my transition ended with a person I deeply respect. I was so unsettled. The voice just kept getting louder. My friend text me, she knew something was up. We are not family but she is so much a sister to me. I was grateful for her text cause along with my hubby doin his mojo. I realized I had to listen to that voice. It was a voice asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness cause they had to make a choice.

This was such a learning experience for me. I firmly believe we do have to make our own choices in our life. Good or bad we are responsible for ourselves. Faced in huge dispear we ask for forgiveness in our choices. I believe we also ask for forgiveness in our everyday actions. My patchwork in the past has been very low key not so in your face. Then I opened up and became more in your face. I will be honest I don't always like the decisions I make. I inadvertent may upset or hurt feelings with my approach. I know however that is how I work. I am always honest in that I can not fix a person only help. I take full responsiblity and yes I ask for forgiveness.

This voice asking for forgiveness, I kept thinking there is no need to ask. You are loved. Then it hit me that asking forgiveness was asking for comfort. A warm embrace a internal hug. This is the lesson.

My remembrance of 9/11 has changed. My remembrance is full respect and admiration for those whom lost their lives. Named or unnamed. I give all the souls lost or have found the way a huge internal hug. You have provided me with comfort. You have made me look within. I remember all.

Evolving. Namaste