is this thing on?

Wow, as I am making changes to sites etc- I have noticed I have neglected this blog. Not intentionally. As I have been wanting to write something here for some time now. 

I kinda feel like the person standing on the stage with a microphone in one hand, tapping saying "Is this thing on?". After all this is my little corner on the internet to express, teach and be who I am. In good times and bad. Yes, as light workers we have bad days. I think there is this own concept that because you do light work you don't have "bad days". I mean after all don't certain light workers help people going thru the bad? Why yes and yes.

One thing about when life hands you over the bad, as one of being a worker of light, you have an advantage of staying positive. Ok, no joke here. Not saying it is all peaches and cream, I think we just have advantages. We literally have to use what we teach in practice. I think the universe does this to teach us. Sometimes old teachings don't work anymore and the universe lays down a new plan. 

So why now, am I here telling you the internet world all of this? Well, I have been going thru some bad, but good and all in between of late. I learned what I could fix and what I could not. What wonder woman powers I actually have. I lost my grandson this year. He was 40 weeks 1 day, born still April 2014. He had genetic condition that we was not aware of until after his day. I could not fix it. I had to be matriarch and be strong for everyone around me, when I was literally falling apart. The sad but blessing part of it all, is when I got to hold my grandson. He was so beautiful in this bathing light of gold and white and the universe gave the message of why. I felt at peace in that one brief moment. I knew as screwed up as the situation was, this is how it had to happen. 

I had a million things to due that month as I am on the Board of Directors for Heart of Texas Purple Cancer Warriors. I had a fundraiser I was helping with, meetings to attend and had 2 clients I was working with at the time. I literally had not grieved. I was planning a memorial service during all of this and money wise...well let's just say I believe the universe always provides which it did. Yes, we are still dealing with some money issues, but I am not to worry. The universe always supplies. 

I now here almost 2 months later. Things are slowly back on tract. We are still healing. Part of my grandson ashes are in a angel wing necklace and is now part of my meditation space. Yes, he was born an angel. I now understand why I never got the visual of him playing around my house or splashing in the pool. It still hurts of course, but I am in a better place. I know that everything happens for a reason. I don't see angels, but I do see the energy. I know he visits in the house, my dog Sofiya sees him. I know when she is staring off in a corner I know he is popping in saying hello. I know my soul sister's grandmother JLT, took him for his mission. She sends me butterflies and cardinals. Oh the cardinals that have been in my yard. Mahalo Pa and Ma Mahalo and Aloha Nui. I am blessed more than I imagined. I know who has my back. I feel love out of something so sad. 

I cried and have tears now, but a smile on my face. Yup, this thing is on.....