I am writing you, cause I made a mistake. I am after all in my human form on this earth and NOT perfect. I also allowed outside forces to sway my emotions and honestly I did it twice. Once allowed my internal emotional fire to get feed, the other time was allowing the reasoning water to put out some of the fires.
So, me, Ms. Lightworker allowed the wasted energy of the small stuff to feed the fire. I love my wise ancient "sister" to point that out to me. We all get angry with people.
I have in the past year, been angry about some major things, however given my peaceful attitude I got upset, allowed myself to go thru the process of my anger and moved on. But did I really move on? Apparently not, cause I allowed those issues to rise again. Not going to lie I am 99.9% sure it deal with my underlying PTSD. I allowed a trigger to set off all those big huge things that in reality are unresolved, but in my mind was resolved. So I allowed the log to be placed on the fire and it to be feed.
I am not wrong in my actions, nor am I correct. I simply just had an ego driven base human reaction.
I felt for a moment hitting the brick wall and dusting yourself off was pointless. I felt that I have been to forgiving. Am I still to forgiving, probably but much more cautious I suppose.
So what set me off? My family was violated this week. It was a huge violation. The violation was against my daughter and then my home. What was worse the violation involved someone that my daughter thought she could trust. This has not been the first this year for our family. People that we have trusted this year have seriously violated our family. It has cost of many thousands of dollars, our savings, emotional struggles, and more. It has cause a ripple of negative piles of energy that has cause fights, tensions and more. On the positive side, it also has brought our family together, eyes have been open to true colors of people. It has all been about transitions. Scary ones. The ones which I like to call it is either going to make your or break you. Even though we work through the piles, things are still not perfect. Life is not perfect, and the things we do in life take time and energy to be on the right path. Yes, I am on the right path, I just fell off the path in a large building project. Working on the foundations....
Our house Buddha was destroyed as well during this violation. This Buddha was bought also during the great strive that our family has been going through. The universe, as angry as I was to see my beloved Buddha in pieces on my sidewalk, was giving my a karmic sign. Though life is very trying, to stay true to my path. The universe tested me that day with having to use my energy skills on someone. On any other given day, I would have declined feeling defeated. I did not decline and I was rewarded.
When the negative comes about, no matter what, don't feed the fire. Yes, I allowed the fire to be feed today. I forgave myself and placed loving energy to those my anger was directed too. Yes, I had to be reminded, but I am ok with that, after all I am human.
confessions of a starseed
Wisdom to be passed to the human race...