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Happiness Practice #7: Self-Compassionate Letter

7/27/2016

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Yes, in continual of The Science of Happiness from my course I took at edx.org I bring you another excerise of self loving to do! It does not take long and you may find yourself in awe! Love and Light everyone! Enjoy

Background
This exercise asks you to write a letter to yourself expressing compassion for an aspect of yourself that you don’t like. Research suggests that people who respond with compassion to their own flaws and setbacks—rather than beating themselves up over them—experience greater physical and mental health. 
Time required
15 minutes
Instructions
First, identify something about yourself that makes you feel ashamed, insecure, or not good enough. It could be something related to your personality, behavior, abilities, relationships, or any other part of your life. 
Once you identify something, write it down and describe how it makes you feel. Sad? Embarrassed? Angry? Try to be as honest as possible, keeping in mind that no one but you will see what you write. 
The next step is to write a letter to yourself expressing compassion, understanding, and acceptance for the part of yourself that you dislike. 
As you write, follow these guidelines:
1. Imagine that there is someone who loves and accepts you unconditionally for who you are. What would that person say to you about this part of yourself?
2. Remind yourself that everyone has things about themselves that they don’t like, and that no one is without flaws. Think about how many other people in the world are struggling with the same thing that you’re struggling with.
3. Consider the ways in which events that have happened in your life, the family environment you grew up in, or even your genes may have contributed to this negative aspect of yourself. 
4. In a compassionate way, ask yourself whether there are things that you could do to improve or better cope with this negative aspect. Focus on how constructive changes could make you feel happier, healthier, or more fulfilled, and avoid judging yourself.
5. After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back to it later and read it again. It may be especially helpful to read it whenever you’re feeling bad about this aspect of yourself, as a reminder to be more self-compassionate.

Evidence that it works
Breines, J. G. & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 18(9), 1133-1143.
Participants in an online study who wrote a compassionate paragraph to themselves regarding a personal weakness subsequently reported greater feelings of self-compassion. They also experienced other psychological benefits, such as greater motivation for self-improvement.
Other supporting evidence
Leary, M. R., Tate, E. B., Adams, C. E., Allen, A. B., & Hancock, J. (2007). Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92, 887-904.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44.
Shapira, L. B., & Mongrain, M. (2010). The benefits of self-compassion and optimism exercises for individuals vulnerable to depression. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 5, 377-389.
Why it works
Self-compassion reduces painful feelings of shame and self-criticism that can compromise mental health and well-being and stand in the way of personal growth. Writing is a powerful way to cope with negative feelings and change the way you think about a difficult situation.
Writing in a self-compassionate way can help you replace your self-critical voice with a more compassionate one--one that comforts and reassures you rather than berating yourself for your shortcomings. It takes time and practice, but the more your write in this way, the more familiar and natural the compassionate voice will feel, and the easier it will be to remember to treat yourself kindly when you’re feeling down on yourself. 
Source
Juliana Breines, Ph.D., Brandeis University 
Kristin Neff, Ph.D., University of Texas, Austin
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Happiness Practice #1: Three Good Things 

1/5/2015

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As promise during my journey The Science of Happiness I would share some of my course work. Note: The sections are from the lecture sections or book sections of the coursework. These sessions are for your personal growth or good for everyday practices. 

Begin.....
Happiness Practice #1: Three Good Things 

This exercise asks you to remember and list three positive things that have happened in your day so far and consider what caused them.

Time required

10 minutes/day for at least one week.

Instructions

Each day for at least one week, write down three things that went well for you that day, and provide an explanation for why they went well. It is important to create a physical record of your items by writing them down; it is not enough simply to do this exercise in your head. The items can be relatively small in importance (e.g., “my co-worker made the coffee today”) or relatively large (e.g., “I earned a big promotion”). To make this exercise part of your daily routine, some find that writing before bed is helpful.

As you write, follow these instructions:

  1. Give the event a title (e.g., “co-worker complimented my work on a project”)
  2. Write down exactly what happened in as much detail as possible, including what you did or said and, if others were involved, what they did or said.
  3. Include how this event made you feel at the time and how this event made you feel later (including now, as you remember it).
  4. Explain what you think caused this event—why it came to pass.
  5. Use whatever writing style you please, and do not worry about perfect grammar and spelling. Use as much detail as you'd like.
  6. If you find yourself focusing on negative feelings, refocus your mind on the good event and the positive feelings that came with it. This can take effort but gets easier with practice and can make a real difference in how you feel.
Evidence that it works

Seligman, M. E., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410.

Visitors to a website received instructions for performing this exercise and four others. Writing about three good things increased happiness for each time point during a six-month period (immediately afterward and one week, one month, three months, and six months later).

Why it works

By giving you the space to focus on the positive, this practice teaches you to notice, remember, and savor the better things in life. It may prompt you to pay closer attention to positive events down the road and engage in them more fully—both in the moment and later on, when you can reminisce and share these experiences with others. Reflecting on the cause of the event may help attune you to the deeper sources of goodness in your life.

Sources

Jeffrey Huffman, M.D., Harvard Medical School

Sonja Lyubomirksy, Ph.D., University of California, Riverside

This section is from the Course Work of BerkeleyX: GG101x The Science of Happiness 
Hamsa808.com claims no copyright to information. 
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priority club

9/9/2014

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I decided to write this because with life changes you have to come to a sense of knowing what is important, unimportant and what labels as priority. 

I work people all the time and they come back to me and ask why something is not work or they fall back into old routines. If anyone knows me when I do work with one, I am very straight forward. Everything I tell a person, even if it may seem bad/negative is actually in the good/positive cause that is what the person needs to hear in that very moment. 

Negative people love to feed on this energy and they can somehow have a sick twisted view of their own reality. So in reality when they hear something positive to help them, they only view the negative, some may even become defensive. Some may call this being guarded as well. This honestly is a normal reaction to those whom are new to any body/mind work. But those, whom have been trying to and ignore the work. Not be MINDFUL of intake of the world around them, may not see the harm they are doing to oneself. They get lost in what is actually important. 

Funny thing is that most people go through this phase in life. Life feels good, looks good, everything seems so perfect on the outside, but on the inside the person has the true self. They maybe depressed, suicidal, addictions and the list can go on. They make up excuses, they say how great things are, but in reality have priorities all screwed up. 

Examples:
  • Depression- This has been in the news, really recent due to Robin Williams death. Here, this funny man loved by all, dies. He kills himself. How can someone whom has the world love them, be so depressed? That is the kicker, he appeared to be normal for the world to see- but inside he had his own struggles. Whatever, they may be, on the late Robin Williams knows. Yes, it sad, so loved, but now gone. We did not live in his reality. We only saw what was on the surface. He got lost in his negative reality, thus consuming him to his death. I sadly, can relate to this. I suffered depression for a long period in my early to mid 20s. I at one point got lost in my own negative reality and tried to kill myself. I am not proud of that moment, but I know from that moment I did grow. I became more aware of my world around me. I had to figure it out. I had to become more mindful. I found the end of the tunnel. Have I suffered from depression since? Yes, When I found out I had cancer, I had no one around me. I felt alone. I felt angry. I slipped into a depression. I had forgotten to breathe. Be mindful and be aware. Once I became aware. I became anew.
  • Suicidal- Sadly from my own experience of those dark thoughts, I can tell you a true suicidal person does not talk about suicide. They don't leave notes, they just react. They are not in the right frame of mind. The mind becomes so involved with the darkness of negative that no light shines. Yes, there are signs, but not always. This is very tricky. I personally see the signs, not only because of whom I am, but also because I was that person. This is the hardest I think for most people, cause gut reaction is to over help a person. If you, yourself are not protected from the spirals of negative energy that flows through the victims mind, you can be dragged down. Please always allow or seek help of professionals. Remember, professionals are trained to help a person help themselves. They are the ones that can help redirect. 
  • Addictions- Oh this hits home to me so many levels. I think when people hear addictions they automatically think drugs. Nope. Addictions can be to anything. Currently we have a world that is addicted to social media, that we forget to look up. Sometimes addictions mask other addictions. I can tell you only from my own experiences with my family. My Aunt was the sweetest woman in the world, would do anything for anyone. She helped the homeless by giving them odd jobs, or let them sleep in her house. Her heart of was full of love and kindness. However, she drank. She drank a gallon of wine daily. She mixed in water and would tell you, "I am drinking it with water..". Yet, she would still drink that same gallon of wine. That was her reality that she created for herself. That she did not have a problem with drinking, cause she mixed it with water. My Aunt passed away in 1995. She died, cause she had liver issues from drinking. She could not be placed on the transplant list, because she could not stop drinking. Her body failed her to the point that she was induced into a medical coma and life support. My father, her twin, had to make the decision to remove her. My father had his demons as well with his addictions. Work, beer, perfection...this list goes on. My stepmother, had her's- she had a horrible addiction to coke, crack and diet pills. They had underlying issues as well. I know friends, who drink far to much and don't think they have a problem-when they clearly do. Let me explain something about addictions. When addictions take over any of the priority clubs you have put in placed. It is time to seek help. 


I currently have people in my life that are like this. This is no shock, that here this person whom is an energy worker actually has people in her life that are "screwed up" why don't she fix them.  Well, it's simple it is not my job to fix people. I can only be the guide. I can only give the tools. I can only give the straight talk. I can only give the tough love. In the end, it is the person themselves whom actually "fix" themselves. They are the ones whom gave power to the priority clubs in their lives. Yes, I can redirect. But, there is a point where my human body and spirit says, I can not. I am only the bridge, the nesting doll, the facilitator. (The names I have been called) 


If you want something bad enough you work hard to get it. It becomes universal law. Law of attraction, comes into play. It does not happen overnight. It is not a magical seed that sprouts over night and you can climb to the top. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes a person to have their own priority club. 

Even, myself as a light path worker, I must grow daily. I must maintain my own practices and be mindful. I look past the "bull shit". I place my intentions in the universe daily. Each day I get signs. Some days they are small, others so large its like a neon sign from the 80s. But, I have to work. I have my own priority club I have made for myself. 

My duties as a energy worker are to heal when I can give, to listen to my guides and ancients, give information when it is called for. All I say is for the good, don't read into the negative. If you see the negative, change your prospective. Close your eyes, close your eyes....Now see the world differently



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