Sometimes I even I fall. I have been under a lot of stress lately and admit I am falling. However I believe we all fall if we don't do the actions to help ourselves, we will just fall deeper. I am at that crossroad in my life.
I always have helped others and have had a few light my path as well. However the universe does what it does and reminds me I have to take my own advices and listen to the inner voice. Personally this has turned into an ego struggle within myself.
Since I have always been the one to lean on and personally I only lean on a few people in my life. I forget some days it is literally all about me, taking care of me and not others. My ego crossroad.
I have been dealing with some health issues that I will be honest avoiding like the plague. Gifts are curses when it comes to health issues and currently I need to deal with with this curse. So I am setting my ego aside and dealing with this crossroad. I am giving up 2 things I currently love ( I work as a photographer and makeup artist) to take care of myself. I am not giving up completely just giving up doing for others. I will do for myself, cause I need these things in my life to make me complete. So this crossroad made me think of those whom might read this blog. What crossroad have you crossed and actually made a choice. Something you have done for yourself? Why do you have the guilt or thoughts of selfishness? If we don't cross the road to self awareness and self help how can you help others. That is the ending thought. Time to rise my vibration so I can continue help rise others.
I re shaved my head last night. Which had me think about monks, however let me rest assure you that is not why I shaved my head. However if you curious why a monk would here is a quote
"Shaving our head symbolizes cutting off confusion, hostility, and attachment-what the Buddha called the "three poisonous attitudes." These three mental toxins poison our well-being and our relationships with others. Confusion makes us ignorant about the causes of happiness and the causes of suffering. Hostility and anger ruin our relationships with others, especially with those we care about the most. Attachment clings to people, things, places, and ideas with the mistaken notion that they will make us happy. Cutting off these three eliminates the causes of our misery. It also frees us to direct our energy to cultivating equanimity, love, compassion, joy, and wisdom in our hearts."
After reading that I agree at least once in your life time a person should just shave their head. It is a freedom. You literally get rid of an attachment that for some defines them.
I always have been attached to my own hair. I would say it defined who I was. I was always changing it, and when big things would happen in my life I would color it or do a big huge change in style/cut. It was my way of hoodoo my self, to reinvent. It truly defined me. Last year was the same. Cut, color trim...oh wait you said I have cancer? WHAT? bAM...A LIFE CHANGING MOMENT. My husband was not in country during this DX, so my major support person was not in my life. But this time it's cancer. I was lucky you can say that the cancer I had does not require chemo, however it required a huge surgery. Call it stress, call it what you want. I was tired from surgery and treatment, I wanted a break, so I grabbed the shears and literally shaved my head. It was a FREEDOM. I literally was letting go of my DX, of my fears....I was detaching.
A year later, hair has grown back for the most part- of course I had trims here and there. I went to NYC for fashion week. I could say I was annoyed with my cute hair, since we were staying at a hostel- limited showering time, yaddy yaddy yaddy. I was tired. I decided to go see my hair artist after my trip- I told her to do what she wanted. So, a mohawk it was. Sweet adorable mohawk. A few days later, I have to walk in a fashion show. I walk, everything is fine. Just randomly enjoying life. Then boom. My hair starts to fall out, however NO ONE bothered to tell me So walking around with a bald spot on my head. Stupid auto immune issues. What is a girl to do? Of course fix the issue. More shaving of the sides, make it look good..yaddy yaddy.
Apparently my body was trying to tell me something. Mind you currently in my life I have a cycle that has come full circle, but on a different fight path. That happens in life, life well just presents itself that way, however that is a totally other blog post. However, it was also a sign. Once again my hair started to fall out. I decided once again to take matters in my own hands. Time to start new. After all if you are not happy, you have the power to control your own happiness. I have this same power with my own hair. Hair is just hair. Why am I putting all this energy in one thing? ZIP ZIP ZIP there went the hair. I am free. Yes, I will hate all the stages of growth, but even that taught me its okay. Patience. So this is my detachment. I will learn what the guides are telling me. I will listen. Honestly I am ready for the next step and what lurks behind the corner.
confessions of a starseed
Wisdom to be passed to the human race...